or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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