I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
