saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
