Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
