a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
