i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
