guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
