Sry I called you an 8
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
