Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
