Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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