call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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