is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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