Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you will always have a special place in my vag
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize