the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
