I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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