is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
