maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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