I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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