My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
