Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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