i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
