i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
