The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
