I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
