Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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