I look better un-naked...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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