I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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