So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
