You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
