Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
