saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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