Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
