the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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