The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Holy shit dude........stairs
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
