But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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