I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
