I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
