We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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