but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
