all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
