the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
