what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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