90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
