I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize