He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize