is your mom at the bar?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
