i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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