If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
