If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
