are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize