How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
