My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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