Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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