I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
