I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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