Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
