Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
