We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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