Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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