maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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