so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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