Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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