Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
