I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
