he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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