Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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