I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
