At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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