I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
