Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
