The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
