epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
