oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
