Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
