I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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