I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
