Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
