she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
