Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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