She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
