hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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