Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Ladies don't puke and tell
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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