Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
There's even glitter on my cock...
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