woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
