I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
