I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
