Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You are a genius and a whore.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
