dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We need to get me chipped asap
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
