How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
