Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
