I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
