I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize