listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
