why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
