Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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