I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
