Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
