I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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