Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
