i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My ATM looks so different sober.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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