He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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