:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
