I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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