would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
