what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
