she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
